Archive for October 12th, 2009

Oh 'scuse me,

Is being a blackish, left handed Leo with a penchant for perspicacity and a list of sort of accomplishments all it takes to grab the Nobel gold ring on this wacky little merry go round? 'Cause if it is, then Dave Chapelle, step right up and claim the cake brother, because laughter is the universal language of peace. Come to think of it, our last two democratic prez's have been left handed Leo's. Charismatic, smooth talkin' slingers of snake oil, capable of the most refined presentations of flim-flammery carefully crafted to dazzle the public into believing that there's something to believe in. O.k., I'm glad I got that off my chest.

'Cause here's the thing, if you really still believe that whatever watered down version of part of a promise made during a campaign designed to give the appearance of sincerity is a credible beacon, lighting the way toward a better tomorrow, then c'mere, i've got a great deal on a map to Shangri-la that I got from a guy who's sister partied with the Kalu Rinpoche who handed her the tattered parchment after bearing up to unspeakable pleasures, all the while smiling serenely. O.k., I feel better now.

And by the way, there's nothing more powerfully disruptive than an idea whose time hasn't come which is, nonetheless, being promoted as the next incarnation of the final incarnation and the beginning of the end to suffering on Earth. Of course my heart swells with pride over Barry's sweeping endorsement as ambassador of peace and that America is once again looked to for its leadership role in dishing out smiley face t-shirts and "What, me Worry" bumper stickers. This should go a long way toward quelling world wide unrest, economic collapse, environmental chaos and Tom Delay's stress fractures.

Here on the farm we tend to think of "living sustainably" as meaning the process by which externally required inputs are reduced to the point of elimination (ideally) and that the design, in fact generates a surplus of products on a number of levels which are cycled back into the community. This creates more efficient models requiring ever fewer external plug-ins while growing a populace increasingly well schooled in the day to day realities of sustainable living.

Scalable designs that reduce our dependence and increase our productivity are the inevitable result of a well networked and educated community. After awhile, its not that hard to see how these things could be done throughout communities, counties, states, regions and nations to gradually reduce our need to seek out sources for food, fuel, medicines, clothing, shelter etc.. It is the work of a generation if co-operation world wide happened right now, so don't hold your breath.

Water is another issue and one which revolves around the debate as to whether it is a public resource or a commodity to be owned and doled out by wealthy profiteers as is the case here on Maui. Nice to know that rain is still free, for now.

Here's an idea for reducing our energy dependence. There are eight hundred million obese people on planet earth. That means eight hundred million of us that are twenty five pounds or more overweight. One pound of human fat is the equivalent of 3500 calories. By comparison, one gallon of gasoline yields 31,000 calories. This means that if we got to all the obese people and sucked out their fat we would have over two trillion pounds of grossgoo, or the same number of calories in a bit more than two hundred billion gallons of gasoline.

At present, the world uses about eighty million barrels (forty two g/p/b) of oil a day. Each barrel refines out to about twenty gallons of gasoline. That's one point six billion gallons per day or five hundred eighty four billion gallons a year. Harvesting human fat could reduce that footprint by thirty percent, require much simpler methods of refining and smell like Mcdonalds meets krispy Creme, when burned as fuel. Eu-freakin'-reka.

Oh, and by the way, this would be a renewable resource, since people will continue to stuff their donut holes, pack on the pounds and provide gobs of fuel for generations to come. The whole meaning of "fat farm" would be turned on its head to denote a place where people go to overeat in ways that would gross out Aki Bono, then relax, decompress and provide the raw material to power up _______ (your favorite third world country here). Imagine the sense of gratification as one see's ones fat being bottled up for shipment to Madagascar, with the promise that it will be used to provide electricity to three new schools in Antananarivo. Brings tears to my eyes.

O.k., lets go one step further. All newborns could be tested for the genetic marker for obesity and immediately begin a diet of butter filled fried malasada's, strawberry malts, scooter pies and Lipitor. Large residential communities powered by sun and wind could be built in the vast stretches of prairie that is the Texas outback. These isolated communities would be home to the grossgoo-donors who would grow up with other grossgoo-donors, be revered for the crucial role they play in society and never have to lay eyes on skinny, sexy folks so as to maintain the illusion captured by the community motto: "In flabbo delictum".

Harvested twice annually, these hundreds of millions of grossgoo-donors worldwide, would live out their lives encouraged to go with their genetic flow, be appreciated for their gift to society and bring new meaning to the words, dessert cart, which in this case would be a fleet of r.v's circulating the community stocked with every goo-zoo known to man and playing "Chantilly Lace" as they cruise the streets. The lyrics are altered to read:

Straw-berry cake, with a chocolate glaze,
whipping cream, hangin' down.
Jiggle in her walk an' a giggle in her talk,
Make the world go round.
Ain't nothin' in the world like a big fat girl,
make me act so funny, make me spend my money,
make me feel real loose, like a chocolate mousse,
Oh baby that's a' what i like.

The more you show, the more we'll grow. Peace, Jp